Consultant Psychiatrist
Last week, we discussed Emotions: What they teach us. Today we will move on to practical strategies to harness emotions, i.e. Building Resilience. If you would like to read about Emotions, here is the link.
We are familiar with terms like stress, depression, tension and so on. Our focus seems to be on alleviating distress. But, this should not be equated with promoting mental wellness. The standard approach is, “you have a problem, fix it”. “Fixing” the problem does not automatically imply mental wellness. Mental health needs to be nurtured, resilience to stress needs to be built.
In the course of our lifetime, we are all exposed to difficult situations. Some of these are the hassles of daily life, while others are any major personal tragedy. Does trauma automatically lead to mental ill-health? What does the research say? Well, trauma per se does not lead to mental illness. It depends on how we appraise it. If the trauma is considered inescapable, then people feel helpless, one of the classical features of depression.
Okay then, how do we appraise a situation? Let us consider two friends Nita and Mita. Both of them did poorly in their last maths test. When the results came out,
Nita thought, “I am stupid. I always do poorly in all exams. I will never do well. I can never get out of this mess.”
Mita thought,“I am not very good at Maths, although I am good in English and History. Or, I am generally good with Maths, but this exam was very difficult. Or, I couldn’t study as I had flu before the exams, next time, I’d study hard and do well.”
So, you can see two very different reactions to the same situation. Nita is a pessimist, while Mita is an optimist. Nita feels that problems are permanent, it affects every sphere of life and it cannot be controlled. Mita feels that problems are temporary, it has a limited effect on her life and it can be controlled. In the face of adversity, Nita is likely to suffer from depression, while Mita will be resilient.
What are the building blocks of Resilience? Martin Seligman came up with five core constructs of happiness. It is captured by the acronym PERMA. Let us unpack it. P stands for Positive emotion, E stands for Engagement, R for Relationships, M for Meaning and A for Achievements.
P or Positive emotions:
In life, difficult situations are inevitable. If you focus on the negatives, you’d feel that in the past you have made mistakes and suffered. You’d think that you might fail in future endeavours and worry, “what will happen next…” if you focus on positives, you can savour the moments of success in the past, enjoy the present and look forward to the future with hope and optimism.
E or Engagement:
Flow is a feeling when your sense of time is suspended. You are lost in whatever you enjoy doing, be it listening to music, working on complicated problems, or reading a book.
R or Relations:
This is tricky. Relationships can be a source of support or it can be damaging and then it will pull you down. The focus should be on authentic meaningful relationships where a problem shared is a problem halved. Happiness too is multiplied when shared.
M or meaning:
‘Quest’ for meaning gives us purpose in life. It transcends pursuits of pleasure and wealth. Different people find different things meaningful. It can be religious faith, it can be a cause (be it social injustice or political agenda), it can be work, it can be family, it can be created in any form.
A or Accomplishment:
Goals are important in life. Achieving goals gives us a sense of accomplishment, a sense of pride. (Don’t confuse it with conceit). Building on your strengths is key to having achievements. Character strengths that strongly correlate with happiness are hope, love and gratitude. Honesty, humour, humility are some of the other strengths to build on.
I want to finish off with Abraham Lincoln’s letter to his son’s headmaster. It succinctly explains how to build resilience. If you would like to read it, here is the Letter.
Well, goodbye for this week. We are not done yet. Next week, we’ll continue on the same topic. Please stay with us.
